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WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHY

By March 7, 2013 2 Comments

It was one of those requests you can’t forget. A young couple’s 6 month-old son died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). He was their only child.

Would you please come over?

The living room was full of family members when I arrived. Tears flowed freely.

Can you help us?

WHY?

Their worst nightmare was visited by a recurring question, “WHY?”

* An elementary-aged student, on his way to a happy day at school, stepped off a curb into an intersection. He never saw the bus. His too young life was over. “WHY?”

* A young woman, driving home after a wonderful evening with friends, was broad-sided by a drunk driver. Her parents would never hear one more “I love you,” from their daughter. “WHY?”

More Questions, Not Less

Some people worry that questioning God is an affront to Him.

God is not offended by questions.

In fact God wants you to ask more questions, not less.

He invites you to add to “Why,” your “Where?” “What?” “Who?” “How?” and “When?”

“Where are you God?”

“What now?”

“Who can help me?”

“How can I move forward?”

“When does the hurting stop?”

Holding on to Hope

Nancy Guthrie watched her two children die – a girl and a boy – each before they turned 6 months old.

For much of the first year after each of their deaths, when asked how she felt, she responded, “I am deeply and profoundly sad.”

Questioning was one of Nancy’s ways of grieving.

She discovered hope in the Book of Job, from a man who received no answers to his questions, but found God.

Answers To Job’s Questions

Job lost everything – his family – 7 sons and 3 daughters and their families, and his fortune – all in one day.

His agony was so intense his wife suggested that he, “Curse God and die.”

Job questioned, rather curse.

In the end, Job said, “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears have heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:2-5 (New International Version)

Grief’s Work

Rather than shying away from questions, we need to lean into them – because over time they help us discover God and ourselves.

Grief doesn’t need answers.

Grief needs time and hope.

A 1st century questioner wrote, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit.” 2 Corinthians 4:8,9 (Today’s Living Bible).

Don’t give up asking questions.

Don’t quit on God.

Hold on to hope.

APPLICATION: Has this post been helpful to you? Please leave a comment below.


I write to inspire people to be real, grow an authentic faith in Jesus, enjoy healthy relationships and discover their life purpose. If this material is helpful to you, please follow me.

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Bob Jones

Author Bob Jones

Pastor at North Pointe Community Church for 27 years. Happily married to Jocelyn for 38 years. We have two adult sons, Cory and his wife Lynsey and their son Vinnie; Jean Marc and his wife Angie and their three gorgeous daughters, Quinn, Lena and Annora. I love being a pastor and inspiring faith in Jesus through communicating, blogging, counseling and coaching. I enjoy running, reading, writing and ball hockey. Fan of the Esks and Pats. Follow me on Twitter @bobjones49ers

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Join the discussion 2 Comments

  • Linda & Wilson says:

    Thankyou so much for the message, it came at a time when the pain of loosing someone you love just seems unbearable as you watch them pass on. It is truely comforting to know that there is eternity and God carries us in these times. I am so thankful to have this faith that gives the strength needed. I give praise to our God, He is ever present when we need Him most.

  • Carole Schlachta says:

    At the age of 10 yrs. My Dad, at the age of 39 yrs, dropped dead literally in front of me. I was alone with him. He died, after a bad diagnosis of a burst appendix. Peritonitis was through his body. The doctor said he was dead before he hit the floor. I have still much grief to this day. I could re live every minute at the age of 77 yrs. now.
    Why? Was all my Mom asked as she mourned until the day she died at the age of 90 yrs. Even on her death bed, in the hospital, she said, “When I get to heaven, I go to ask Jesus, Why did you take Dave so young?”
    Someone gave her the scripture Isaiah 57:1, God takes the young to preserve them from evil. I never forgot that. She spent the rest of her life on her knees before God. But that question was always before God.
    As I grew up, being the oldest child having a sister 7yrs. , I often asked why. The scripture that God gave me was “I promised to never forsake you nor leave you begging for bread.” To this day I still hold to that scripture. I am so grateful my husband is still with me after soon 56 yrs of marriage.
    Then a good friend who was only married 2 weeks. A young couple and her husband died of a heart attack.
    This made me reflect on my life.
    My Dad wrote in his Bible “not week by week or day by day but minute by minute, walk with your hand in God’s hand.”
    All those wonderful words of advice given I read your stories each day and I still have the same questions that you stated, Why? You, Pastor Bob responded, “you have to get from the why to the what.”
    I still have not had the answer for myself. What?
    Would you answer that now for me?

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